Grab Some Quick Stress Relief

Laughter is a great stress reliever.  I’ve said it before and posted about it here on several occasions.  It’s enjoyable, available to everyone and it works! 

My sister emailed me this today (thanks Chris!), and I liked it so much I thought I’d share it with you.  It’s dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regual workot routine. 

Enjoy!

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A Woman’s Week At The Gym

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.  Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god– with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. 

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!


TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It’s a whole new life for me.

 

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.  Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other s**t too.


THURSDAY:
A**hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn’t help being a half an hour late– it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine– which I sank.


FRIDAY:
I hate that b*stard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?


SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..


SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun– like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! 

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Did you enjoy it?  Please leave your comments below.

Don’t Fall For These Stress Myths

Some people seem to suffer stress constantly, others hardly at all.  Everyone’s reaction to it is as unique as a fingerprint.


And for anyone wanting to find easy to do effective stress relief techniques which can be used for the longer or short term, the internet is a great resource.  Just go online and type “effective stress relief” into the search box of your favorite browser and see what comes up.


But…


…there is also a lot of misinformation about stress and stress relief too.  And you need to make sure that you know what is real and what is not.  Stress is a killer. Don’t fall for a myth and end up ignoring your stress. 


With that in mind, here are my top four stress myths: 


1. Only high fliers get stressed.  –  If you have recently lost your job and are worried that you may not make the rent this month, you will know this is not true.  Even the happiest events like the birth of a baby son or daughter often leaves the happiest of new mothers feeling pressured.


Anyone can get stressed and at any stage of their lives. 


2. Stress relief techniques work universally for everyone. – Just because your best friend finds yoga deeply relaxing, and your sister feels at her most calm whilst pounding the streets at 6 a.m. on a 5-mile run, does not mean they will work for you.


If you hate sports and your sister loves them, and if your best friend can tuck her feet behind her head and you have the flexibility of a doorpost, you are not going to unwind and relax in the same ways. You have to find an effective stress relief technique which works for you.


3. Exercise eliminates stress. – No. You may very well feel more calm and relaxed after you have exercised (but see above), but if you are constantly being put upon, you will continue to be stressed until you learn to say “no” more often and/or delegate.


The only way to reduce your stress is to tackle your stressors.

 

4. Using stress accommodating strategies means you are not stressed. – No. People under stress often use strategies to accommodate their stress.  For example, working longer hours to get through their workload, missing sessions at the gym as a result, getting home later, unwinding with a glass of wine and getting to bed late.  Accommodation strategies actually compound your stress.


Do not mistake stress accommodating strategies for stress management strategies.


You can hear more detailed thoughts on these issues here:


Four Stress Myths


Of course there are many more myths about stress and stress relief mechanisms that are bandied around but these are very important ones I wanted to highlight.  Please leave a comment with yours.