Do You Need To Ignore Your Lover?

I believe a positive mental attitude is key in achieving success, however you define success.  But getting and maintaining a positive mental attitude in the face of doom merchants and naysayers can be hard, even downright difficult.  One of the commonest blocks to success has got to be the negative attitudes and projections of the very people you would expect to be your strongest supporters.

Your spouse, your parents and your best friend.

Don't ListenThink about it. If you are trying to make a change in your life, improve yourself in some way, change career, start an online business, lose weight, stop smoking, write a book, or anything at all, there will be a time when you need to change the way you think and move outside your comfort zone. This can be scary and is the time when you are most vulnerable. It is the time when you need the support of your nearest and dearest.

And it is exactly this time when your loved ones can pour doubt and derision into your brain instead, sabotaging your positive mental attitude and with it, any chance of your success.  Why would they do this?

Simple. Your success affects them in a negative way.

Every relationship can be thought of as a see-saw in equilibrium. Both sides are balanced. It doesn’t matter how unequal the relationship is. It is what it is. And for as long as the people in it keep doing whatever they usually do, it can be thought of as “in balance”.

But when you decide to change yourself and do something different, this alters the equilibrium of every close relationship you are in. The see-saw becomes unbalanced.

This feels odd, uncomfortable and scary for the people in the relationship. To regain the relationship balance, or to get the see-saw back into equilibrium, the OTHER person must ALSO change, and they may just not want to. After all, THEY didn’t want to change in the first place. So they do the next best thing.

They try to stop you from changing. Instead they force you back into the box you are trying to get out of. They sabotage your chances of success by filling your mind with doubt.

Unless you are very strong, you listen to your loved ones. You listen as they tell you how worried they are that you will fail. You listen as they explain it isn’t for you and isn’t it just better to stay where you are? You start to believe them. You bury your dreams and go back to living the way you were.

OR you realise they’re scared for you, for themselves and what the new you will mean to your relationship and home life.  If it will help, talk excitedly about your project to drum up their enthusiasm if you can.  Show them your resume if you’re changing jobs.  Explain how much time will be involved if you’re following a course.  Reassure them you will still have time for them.  Do everything you can to explain how you’ve minimised your risk of failure.

But accept that sometimes it’s just too hard for your loved ones to accept the changes in you.  That’s why friends and family members “grow apart”.

If it’s your spouse who is the doom merchant and naysayer, you need to tread more carefully.  If you KNOW that what you are doing will improve the lives of you both, then do NOT seek their approval.  If it’s a big thing, like moving house to get a job, or stopping smoking when both of you smoke, then fight your corner but be prepared to compromise on things like timing. However, if you’re trying to make a success of a personal goal, like losing 30 lbs weight or learning to write poetry, find a support group and just go for it.

Sometimes your nearest and dearest just do NOT have your best intentions at heart, however much they think they do. Sabotaging your positive mental attitude by sowing doubt is one way to keep you from ultimately forcing change on them.

And vice versa.

So remember that next time YOUR loved one asks YOU to support a life change!


3 Steps To A Positive Mental Attitude

Stress relief comes in many forms.  One of the most useful in my opinion, and perhaps hardest to achieve at least initially, is developing a positive mental attitude.  After all, in today’s hectic and high stress environment, it is often easier to lapse into negative thoughts than to remain positive and happy, even when you know it is just not helpful.

I doubt this is new to anyone who has been online for any length of time.  After all, developing and maintaining a positive mental attitude is the underlying principle for “The Secret”, the Secret behind the Secret, the Laws of Attraction and the Forgotten Laws.  It is necessary in order to attract positive things into your life and to enable you to live the life you want. 

However, negative thinking is addictive.  It makes you feel better when you are at your lowest ebb.  It gives you an excuse for not being the person you want to be, and not having the life you want.  You can convince yourself that your work colleague, relative etc has it easier than you; that it is not your fault.  This creates a self fulfilling negative spiral.  It is essential that you overcome all of your negative inner speak as soon as possible.

However, if you are anything like me, this is not always easy. Nonetheless, the more you practise, the more emotionally robust you become and the less likely you are to start a negative internal chat.  Here are a few tips I find helpful:

Charlie Plant Mental Seeds
If you wanted tomatoes, you would plant seeds, water and nurture them and be patient.  The same is true with developing a positive mental attitude.  You need to plant good thoughts in your mind. Take time EVERY DAY to appreciate and be grateful for things already in your life.  This may be a return to health, your children, wonderful pets, good friends, a good bottle of wine, THOSE shoes, being able to buy your dream car, having an amazing foreign holiday, the chance to follow a dream etc.  It could be absolutely anything in fact – as long as it makes YOU feel good.

Rediscover Joy
Get your mind used to thinking about positive things.  Take time to enjoy the wonders of the world; the smell of wild flowers, birdsong, a sunset, dew on a spider’s web, your dog coming when called etc .  If you can, spend time with a young child and you will soon rediscover their infectious wonderment at the smallest thing. Get used to being joyful and you will start attracting more joy into your life.

Say Thank You
Saying “thank you” puts a positive thought into your head. It spreads goodwill and makes people feel better.  (The reverse is also true – remember how you felt when someone forgot to thank you for stopping and letting them in at that junction?) As it is believed that you an only have one thought at a time, filling your head with positive thoughts will block any negative ones.

So there are my three simple ways to help you turn your attitude around.  Train yourself every day and you will find a positive attitude easier and easier to maintain.  And that will improve your outlook, lower your stress, keep you motivated and change your life for the better.

Why not leave a comment below and let me know what you do?