Don’t Let Money Worries Stress Your Relationship

In today’s financial crisis credit crunch world, relationships are coming increasingly under stress.  And as money worries are often cited as one of the main reasons why couples spilt, does financial stress necessarily mean you are heading for the divorce court? 

Of course not, if you take time to focus on your relationship and sort out your money problems together.  Here’s how.

1.   Communicate

Sadly for those people who think it will only cause an argument, talking about money worries is the crucial first step to beating financial stress.  And whilst it is absolutely essential, make sure you find the right time to tackle it! 

For example, do not try to start such a difficult conversation when either of you is in a rush.  Try to schedule some quiet “adult time” together when you can discuss your money worries without interruption.  Once you have admitted you are worried, you will be able to go forwards.  After all you can only start to address your financial problems when you both understand the scale of the problem. 

2.   Keep it Blame Free

Whether the problem was directly caused by one of you alone or not, it is never helpful to lay blame.  After all, if your partner is half way responsible, they probably already feel bad enough about getting the two of you into a financial crisis.  Blaming them will only lead to hostility and bad feeling between you. 

3.   Get Help

Talk your money problems over with a qualified financial advisor.  The presence of a third party will stop you bickering so much and they may be able to see solutions and alternatives to solving your money stress that you didn’t know about. 

4.   Work Together

Whatever you decide to do, it is essential to work through your money problems together.  Note, this is not the same as saying that you should both be equally involved in every task.  In many marriages, this might actually cause more stress than it alleviates! 

However, you should both be aware of what needs to be dome to beat your money problems, and be supportive of each other as you work through them.  It is not a good idea for one person to be in the dark about what is going on whilst the other takes on all the work to solve the problem.  This will only lead to anger and resentment and more stress!

5.   Keep money issues separate. 

And finally, make sure that you keep a balanced view of your problems.  Money issues are everywhere in daily life, but your relationship is central to your marriage.  Don’t let your financial stress come between you.  Schedule time, maybe weekly, fortnightly or even monthly, when you specifically discuss finances.  And focus on other issues at all other times.  This will ensure you retain some “time off” to enjoy being together even during the money worry times.

If you work together, you will emerge from your money worries with your relationship even stronger than before. 

More stress busting tips can be found in my free ebook Destress For Personal Development and Improve Your Self Confidence.

Don’t Stress Your Kids

Today’s world is a stressful place – and for kids as well as adults.  We all have a lot of pressure in our adult lives, what with workplace challenges and family problems.  It’s so easy to forget that kids get stressed too!

Whilst it’s true that parents have to deal with the stresses and strains of daily living – it’s also true that much of it spills over to the children.  This “fall out” transferred stress can be anything from the parents fighting and arguing about how to handle a certain situation to the parents snapping at their kids because of their own stress load. 

Children can’t always understand this, especially young kids.  But they always pick up on it and are affected by it.  School problems add to their stress, too.  Getting ready for an exam can be a huge problem to a young child.  Facing bullies or dealing with a teacher that may not be very sympathetic can put pressure on them as well.  And for twins schooled in different classes, separation from their twin can be stressful.

And who can blame the stressed out parents if they are so busy dealing with their own problems that they overlook their child’s needs to talk about their own problems?  Pre-teen and teen depression is a serious problem in the western world and is at an all-time high in the USA. 

Adults may shrug off the “lesser” problems of their son or daughter as a petty concern but to your child it appears differently.  Because stress comes chiefly from the perception on stress, we each view our problems from our own personal insight.  A child’s view of the world is not and cannot ever be the same as that of the parents.  But it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid stress.

Kids deal with stress in different ways.  Some run with a “bad crowd” and get into drugs or alcohol etc.  Others retreat into themselves and into brooding and depression. 

You can help a young child during stressful times by being a sympathetic listener.  Try not to offer too much advice unless asked.  Try to put yourself in their shoes.  Above all, be there for your growing child or young adult.  After all you know that de-stressing is essential to your long term good health.  The same is true for your child.