Sometimes it is easier to push on an open door
By Susan Owen-Thursfield, July 22, 2010Have you ever had the kind of day when nothing went your way? Have you ever felt so frustrated with what you were not achieving that all you wanted to do was scream?
Have you ever considered that this was all in your head and you were in fact doing it all to yourself?
I have.
At the moment we have got the builders working on a two storey extension. They are doing a great job. They turn up when they should, do what they say they will and, as builders go, don’t play their radio overly loud. And, because I established right at the beginning that I do not make cups of tea, they brought their own kettle, mugs, tea bags and milk on site!
But there are SO many questions!
Exactly where do we want the drains? And the drain covers? Where do we want the internal walls? Exactly how high do we want the window sills? Exactly where are the windows going? And on and on and on. I have no idea how they cope when there is no-one around to ask!
But these questions get you thinking.
I found myself getting very fixed opinions about the smallest issue – things that I would not have even noticed had the builders just gone ahead and done something. But I found myself behaving as if there was only one right answer. Where we disagreed, I began competing against my husband for my idea to “win”. We were piling unnecessary stress into our relationship.
And it was so silly.
One morning I woke up and just realised that if we had bought the house with the extension already built, we would not have even noticed whether the window would have looked better 8 inches to the left.
We had lost touch with what actually mattered.
The builders were not looking for a right decision. They just wanted a decision – ANY decision – so that they could continue working. And as we were at home, they thought that our views should prevail as it was our house!
As soon as I realised just how silly it all was, I began agreeing with the first suggestion made unless I had a reason to request something different. I began to go with the flow.
And you know what? Without the constant arguments, my other half began to do the same.
Sometimes we need to recognise when we are stressing ourselves just for the sake of it. Save your stressing for situations that justify it. Do not become frustrated unnecessarily. Learn to see when you can alter your mindset easily and just choose to do it.
Decide to enjoy simple pleasures. Do not go looking for battles. Reconnect with what you actually think is important. Go with the flow a bit more often. You will be amazed what it can do for your own stress levels.
My grandma used to say that it is easier to push on an open door than a closed one. She was right.
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11 Comments to “Sometimes it is easier to push on an open door”
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9:51 am on July 23rd, 2010
Hi Susan, this is a great post. I can really understand where you are coming from. I spent half of last night in the hospital with my mum who had a fall, and has broken her hip. But then spent the rest of the night in the ‘what if’s', berating myself for ‘allowing’ this to happen! Thanks so much, I really needed this post today.
Enjoy the journey.
Mandy
2:49 pm on July 23rd, 2010
Hi Mandy –
Glad to have helped! Hope your mum recovers soon.
Sx
11:28 am on August 4th, 2010
Hi Susan, I had one of those days today. I had certain plans to do computer work and they all got detoured because my car wouldn’t start. Got it started (battery).
Then I had to run errands and do my chores. By the time I got done I spent time for dinner and finally got to the computer to do some work.
I’ve wanted to get so much done on the computer today but couldn’t. At least I got some things done.
I try to do something everyday no matter how large or small. Today was small.
I felt stressed out all day thinking about keeping up with the computer work. After reading your post, I should have taken everything in stride without all the hoopla in my mind.
I’m just going to let it all go for now and relax and eventually fall asleep. Terry Conti
7:10 pm on August 4th, 2010
Hi Susan,
Great post!! Someone once told me that the important thing to do in life is to keep choosing…it doesn’t matter what the choice is…just keep choosing and living life. Don’t get stuck at the choice. Just pick, black or white, it really doesn’t matter.
Have a Great Day,
Mike
4:07 pm on August 5th, 2010
Absolutely right Mike – so many times I find that there is only one wrong decision, and that is to make no decision at all! Cheers!
4:07 pm on August 5th, 2010
Glad to have been of help, Terry!
1:33 am on August 6th, 2010
What an excellent article. Much of the time we don’t realize how we stifle our own happiness due to a fear of defeat, or a desire to make the “right” decision. I can certainly relate to being slow to decide based on the emotional attachment to a decision and it’s potential outcome, but choosing to do nothing is still a choice, and not always the best option!
Rachel C. recently posted..Victory Is Sweetest When Youve Known Defeat
8:26 pm on August 6th, 2010
Well said Rachel! Emotional attachment can stop so much – happiness, business growth, personal development… It is so important to recognize when we are stressing ourselves for no reason whatsoever. Just choose something. As someone once said, if you aren’t going forwards, you’re going backwards. Thanks for the comment!
8:50 pm on August 6th, 2010
Nice observation. “Black or white, it doesn’t really matter”. As I said elsewhere, “in a hundred years from now, who’ll care?”. So true!
9:02 am on October 14th, 2010
Very true Susan and good life observation.
I must admit though, I think the cleverest bit was your ‘Non Tea’ agreement, why didn’t I think of that?
As you said, It’s not a problem, as long as you establish the rules at the outset, and that initself cuts out stress.
John
PS. Change of subject: The “Follow Me” floating button, obscures your post a bit. I think It’s quite easy to switch to the right hand side, as I’ve noticed a lot of blogs do this now.
John McNally recently posted..Art Marketing Success
5:46 pm on January 5th, 2011
Thanks John – Floating button switched to right!